I’m incredibly sick right now I just want to curl up and die. Or cry. Or both. There isn’t much I can do about it other than ride it out. It’s hard physically but more than anything it sends my emotions all out of wack. I’m just not able to cope with anything while I’m sick. I’m working two jobs now so it’s just……SO MUCH..... when I’m sick and upset on top of it.
Things fell apart again. I don’t suppose it should have come as that much of a surprise this time around (and only two weeks after defending my decisions to my friends...though I suppose I wouldn't change my opinion, just because he's fucked up in the brain doesn't mean he didn't care). Everything was fine, amazing really. Too amazing? Not nearly as amazing as I thought? Who knows. I’m angry that he handled it the way he has. He’s hurt me which is something that he always tried his hardest to avoid in the past. I guess someone really has to be an ass hole to make it easy to turn away for good. I have a million questions that I won’t ever have an answer to and I’m just trying to learn how to let them go. They really aren’t all that important anyway. It doesn’t make the tears go away but I guess we just learn how to cope in any way that we can.
But.....the tears don’t just go away because you know that in 3 months you’ll be happy again. So I’m juggling work, tears, more work, and tears while I try to sleep. That’s life right now and I just wish I could fast forward to the part where I’m grateful I am no longer stuck in a dead end relationship with someone who doesn’t love me because my religious and political beliefs don’t go hand in hand with his.
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4 comments:
Those questions are sooo HARD to let go of, aren't they. Even though we know better.
Here's to fast forwarding time!
I've had the 'fast forward' wish so many times. And I agree with appletini, those unanswered questions are so hard to deal with, and it feels so damn great when you finally just don't care anymore because you've moved on.
I went through this same phase recently, and although it seems to last an eternity, it'll be over before you know it. I hope you feel better *hugs*
i'm sorry, hon.
Oh my dear. I'm sorry. I have also wished to fast forward the 'hurting part' and get to the part where I'm excited about men and dating again. Take your time, nap when you can and eat soup (I have no idea if that really does cure anything, it just sounds like a good idea). I hope you feel better soon.
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