Fallen/ing

I fell for someone about a year ago. A year ago when all was complicated in my love life and I really had no room for crushes, let alone a crush on a sexy older man who happens to be someone I’m not allowed to ever fall for. Oops. At the time I claimed that my flirting was innocent. I told myself over and over that I couldn’t be serious about this and that I needed to forget about it. It has been a year and the only thing that has changed is the size of my crush.


He’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met. Honestly. He’s smart and sexy and kind. He’s handsome and intelligent and he makes me smile. He’s quiet and shy and irresistible. This is half silly crush and half LQKJEOIUADFOMG I would give my right arm just to go to spend some quality time with him. Once. I’m afraid he’s too good for me and I’m not sure that I deserve a chance with someone this good. They don’t make them like this anymore, seriously. I can’t get him out of my head and I don’t think it’s because I haven’t had him yet. When I wasn’t sure that I was serious about all of these feelings I flirted mercilessly. Now, now I blush when I see him and I feel like my tongue is tied in knots. I have to know if he even feels the slightest bit of what I do.

I’m not ready by any means. My heart is still torn and I know that I need time. I’m afraid of when I am ready because I know that I can’t let this pass without saying something and I’m not by any means sure that I stand a chance.

Oh but I do love feeling this way.