and while you're at it....

Perhaps there is a more sane medical explanation to all the symptoms I’ve had. The doctor seemed somewhat amused by my worries of disease and ruin. She put me on a medication for what we think is the problem…..and hopefully a week from now we’ll know if that was in fact the ACTUAL problem. I left her office with a (very small) bounce in my step for the following reasons:
*My heart rate is appare3ntly equivalent to that of a woman who works out on a very regular basis (could it perhaps be that early morning “workout” I had today that kick started my day? I’ll have to thank him for it later). I also only weigh myself when I’m there. Or rather, they require me to step on the scale and I comply. Sometimes I’m ashamed of the numbers, but today, well, it could be worse. I’m not 123 like I was last visit…..but 127 is better than the sad 155 I was a year and a half ago. I’ll take it and now I can set a goal for my work Christmas party. Twelve pounds sounds like a lot…..so maybe I’ll just make it 7. We’ll see if I can even lose three. I also have to appreciate said doctor for the following statement, “Well you are just so thin that I can feel all your organs without even trying”. I’m not sure if that is a good thing, but I think it is.

The only downside to this whole ordeal (minus the huge cost of all the pokes and prods and pills)) is that I am not supposed to drink alcohol while taking this medication. Whaaatt? No egg nog? That is just silly. I might be able to last a couple days without a beer, but not through the weekend and certainly not through Thanksgiving. We’ll see how I do. She said it MIGHT make me sick, so maybe I’ll risk it once and see how things go.

Life with a semi-half-sort of-not-relationship is not so good lately. He’s moody and won’t talk about it. He invites me over only to ignore me. I’ll deal with it this week because I’m a sex deprived lunatic, but as soon as that is gone I’m gone. I’ve said it before, but this time I really mean it. Not without fair warning though. Although I hate the ridiculous idea of having to bed and pry to get him to talk to me, it really needs to be done, once more, before I walk.

I like him, really I do. I like him a lot. But I’m the woman, I have the periods. There is no reasonable explanation for him to sulk the way he has been or to shut me out tighter than an 18 year old virgin. No thank you. Commitment-phobic I can handle, just not the roller coaster of moods that leave me feeling guilty, depressed, and un-satisfied. Men, can’t live with them, but I sure as hell can live without them and I might be doing just that pretty soon.

In addition to his ever changing moods I have my family to tip toe around. This weekends episode of “who’s emotions mean more” between my sister and I have left me tired and worn down. Just in time for Thanksgiving. Everyone expects me to apologize because to them I’m much farther down on the totem pole of “emotions that actually matter”, but I don’t think I will. I’m not sorry. I didn’t do a single thing wrong except for get fed up with the absurd comments that were being made, mostly at cost to only me. No, I don’t think I will. I can be the bad guy for a while longer because I won’t be walked on. Not this time anyway. Today they can all be let down and whisper about how insensitive I am. I really truly don’t care. When people can step into my shoes, and see how things looks while working 60 plus hours a week….THEN if they still think I’m the un-reasonable one, maybe I’ll apologize. But they won’t even try to look at it from my side…..so I refuse to give into theirs.

Pretty much every one is just a pain in my flabby ass. I wish I could dump them all and not just the man. I wish that was the answer to the problems……all of them.