I’d like to meet the woman who has enough time in her life for dating. Especially when more than half the men we go out with end up being complete losers! I’m finding that between two jobs, friends, family, and personal time there just isn’t enough time left over for bad dates. After the last dating fiasco that ended with me being a complete jerk and just not ever calling back like I said I would I decided that I was out of the dating world for a while. “I don’t have the energy” I told myself. I should have taken my own advice more seriously.
A couple of months ago there was this guy that I always saw at the restaurant. I thought he was cute. I’m good at finding people initially attractive but I generally lose interest when they open their mouth so I didn’t lay on the charm right off the bat. After a while I decided that I had given it a lot of thought and time and I really did think this guy seemed good enough to give my number to. So I turned up the heat and sure enough he asked me out for drinks. Conclusino: He’s going through a divorce but it’s okay because he’s “really over it” (WARNING!!) and he has two kids (double WARNING!!!). It isn’t that I have a problem with people who are divorced or men with children but to be honest I don’t have the capacity for someone who has that kind of baggage right now. Today he has sent me more messages than any guy I’ve dated in the last 2 years. I don’t do needy! I don’t do conversations all day long! And I especially don’t do relationships with people who don’t accept how much emotional baggage they need to deal with because of their pending divorce. He added me on MySpace although I told him that I hated MySpace and so the obvious thing to do was check out his profile. Find that baggage so I don’t feel so bad when I tell him that I can’t see him again. Let’s just say that you don’t get I love you messages from someone you’ve been separated from for 2 years. You don’t keep those messages up if you are really over it. Deal with it bud and then call me. Or don’t call me because to be honest I don’t really care. I’m not the caring type unless I’m invested in something and let me say that it takes a very long time for me to invest in ANY relationship. Maybe that is part of my problem.
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tall Dark and Handsome
Brad: Hey this is Brad. I don't know if you remember me, tall guy dark hair, anyway just calling to see what your plans were tonight. Give me a call back.
sent via text:
Mel: Is this Brad?
Brad: Yes :) Hi! What are you up to?
Mel: Just cleaning my apartment. Sorry I didn't get your message until just now.
Brad: No worries. Cleaning eh? Sounds like fun! I'd love to get together sometime this week if you're interested.
Mel: That would be good, I'm free any time from Saturday on.
Brad: How about Saturday then? Dinner and drinks?
Mel: Perfect.
Brad: Nice, I'll give you a call tomorrow.
Can I just say that I'm kind of stoked? Not too much, but just enough. Did I mention he has a sexy voice? And..you saw the tall and dark part...because that is important. If he can hold an intelligent conversation you are all invited to our wedding...next week.
sent via text:
Mel: Is this Brad?
Brad: Yes :) Hi! What are you up to?
Mel: Just cleaning my apartment. Sorry I didn't get your message until just now.
Brad: No worries. Cleaning eh? Sounds like fun! I'd love to get together sometime this week if you're interested.
Mel: That would be good, I'm free any time from Saturday on.
Brad: How about Saturday then? Dinner and drinks?
Mel: Perfect.
Brad: Nice, I'll give you a call tomorrow.
Can I just say that I'm kind of stoked? Not too much, but just enough. Did I mention he has a sexy voice? And..you saw the tall and dark part...because that is important. If he can hold an intelligent conversation you are all invited to our wedding...next week.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Good Boys
If someone were to ask me if I’ve made out with a guy, in a secretive restaurant booth, in the last month I’d have to say yes. If someone asked me how many times I’ve seen this guy since then....I’d have to say none because going out a second time with someone who told me that girls “where he is from” always have sex on the first date does not sound all that appealing. Had I not been incredibly drunk at the time I might have slapped him; instead I just drunkly slurred a “no, you need to learn some manners bud” statement his way and tumbled out of the car and into my apartment.
The one thing that this situation helped me realize is that I’m just not ready for ALL of this. Maybe it was the way the date ended (badly) or the things we did during it but the next few days were followed by a general queasiness in my stomach and a lot of anxiety. I didn’t want to look myself in the mirror because I felt like I had somehow been cheating. On whom you may ask? No one, that’s just it, there is no one physically in my life and if I am hung up on someone who is long gone then it is my issue and I need to get over it. I may not be a carefree 20 year old girl anymore but I shouldn’t feel guilty over a little lip smacking with a cute man. I suppose my morals have gotten a little stricter with age? Or perhaps I feel disappointed that kissing made a guy feel like he had every right to proposition sex. Did I give him that impression? I recall a conversation in the middle of our evening (before the kissing ensued) when he asked if I was feeling “drunk yet”. Should I have seen this as a warning sign? Should I have had some feeling that this guy didn’t have good intentions? I don’t have the answers. I do think that I’m just not fully ready to be back in the mad dating scene. The next time I go out I want it to be with a respectable man who doesn’t act shocked when I let him know that I am past the point in my life where I sleep with every cute male who buys me dinner;and yeah, unfortunately I have had those times.
WHERE exactly are all these great guys hiding? Am I at that point where I need to start looking in different places? Or not worry about looking at all? I feel like if don’t "make" myself available nothing will ever happen, but the idea of having to “put myself out there” just to find a guy that I would like to get to know a bit better makes me a bit ill and frankly it makes me feel desperate....which I am not. I’m just anxious to move forward and forget that person who still causes me to feel guilty over kissing; even if it was with a person who turned out to be a jerk.
The one thing that this situation helped me realize is that I’m just not ready for ALL of this. Maybe it was the way the date ended (badly) or the things we did during it but the next few days were followed by a general queasiness in my stomach and a lot of anxiety. I didn’t want to look myself in the mirror because I felt like I had somehow been cheating. On whom you may ask? No one, that’s just it, there is no one physically in my life and if I am hung up on someone who is long gone then it is my issue and I need to get over it. I may not be a carefree 20 year old girl anymore but I shouldn’t feel guilty over a little lip smacking with a cute man. I suppose my morals have gotten a little stricter with age? Or perhaps I feel disappointed that kissing made a guy feel like he had every right to proposition sex. Did I give him that impression? I recall a conversation in the middle of our evening (before the kissing ensued) when he asked if I was feeling “drunk yet”. Should I have seen this as a warning sign? Should I have had some feeling that this guy didn’t have good intentions? I don’t have the answers. I do think that I’m just not fully ready to be back in the mad dating scene. The next time I go out I want it to be with a respectable man who doesn’t act shocked when I let him know that I am past the point in my life where I sleep with every cute male who buys me dinner;and yeah, unfortunately I have had those times.
WHERE exactly are all these great guys hiding? Am I at that point where I need to start looking in different places? Or not worry about looking at all? I feel like if don’t "make" myself available nothing will ever happen, but the idea of having to “put myself out there” just to find a guy that I would like to get to know a bit better makes me a bit ill and frankly it makes me feel desperate....which I am not. I’m just anxious to move forward and forget that person who still causes me to feel guilty over kissing; even if it was with a person who turned out to be a jerk.
Monday, November 20, 2006
and while you're at it....
Perhaps there is a more sane medical explanation to all the symptoms I’ve had. The doctor seemed somewhat amused by my worries of disease and ruin. She put me on a medication for what we think is the problem…..and hopefully a week from now we’ll know if that was in fact the ACTUAL problem. I left her office with a (very small) bounce in my step for the following reasons:
*My heart rate is appare3ntly equivalent to that of a woman who works out on a very regular basis (could it perhaps be that early morning “workout” I had today that kick started my day? I’ll have to thank him for it later). I also only weigh myself when I’m there. Or rather, they require me to step on the scale and I comply. Sometimes I’m ashamed of the numbers, but today, well, it could be worse. I’m not 123 like I was last visit…..but 127 is better than the sad 155 I was a year and a half ago. I’ll take it and now I can set a goal for my work Christmas party. Twelve pounds sounds like a lot…..so maybe I’ll just make it 7. We’ll see if I can even lose three. I also have to appreciate said doctor for the following statement, “Well you are just so thin that I can feel all your organs without even trying”. I’m not sure if that is a good thing, but I think it is.
The only downside to this whole ordeal (minus the huge cost of all the pokes and prods and pills)) is that I am not supposed to drink alcohol while taking this medication. Whaaatt? No egg nog? That is just silly. I might be able to last a couple days without a beer, but not through the weekend and certainly not through Thanksgiving. We’ll see how I do. She said it MIGHT make me sick, so maybe I’ll risk it once and see how things go.
Life with a semi-half-sort of-not-relationship is not so good lately. He’s moody and won’t talk about it. He invites me over only to ignore me. I’ll deal with it this week because I’m a sex deprived lunatic, but as soon as that is gone I’m gone. I’ve said it before, but this time I really mean it. Not without fair warning though. Although I hate the ridiculous idea of having to bed and pry to get him to talk to me, it really needs to be done, once more, before I walk.
I like him, really I do. I like him a lot. But I’m the woman, I have the periods. There is no reasonable explanation for him to sulk the way he has been or to shut me out tighter than an 18 year old virgin. No thank you. Commitment-phobic I can handle, just not the roller coaster of moods that leave me feeling guilty, depressed, and un-satisfied. Men, can’t live with them, but I sure as hell can live without them and I might be doing just that pretty soon.
In addition to his ever changing moods I have my family to tip toe around. This weekends episode of “who’s emotions mean more” between my sister and I have left me tired and worn down. Just in time for Thanksgiving. Everyone expects me to apologize because to them I’m much farther down on the totem pole of “emotions that actually matter”, but I don’t think I will. I’m not sorry. I didn’t do a single thing wrong except for get fed up with the absurd comments that were being made, mostly at cost to only me. No, I don’t think I will. I can be the bad guy for a while longer because I won’t be walked on. Not this time anyway. Today they can all be let down and whisper about how insensitive I am. I really truly don’t care. When people can step into my shoes, and see how things looks while working 60 plus hours a week….THEN if they still think I’m the un-reasonable one, maybe I’ll apologize. But they won’t even try to look at it from my side…..so I refuse to give into theirs.
Pretty much every one is just a pain in my flabby ass. I wish I could dump them all and not just the man. I wish that was the answer to the problems……all of them.
*My heart rate is appare3ntly equivalent to that of a woman who works out on a very regular basis (could it perhaps be that early morning “workout” I had today that kick started my day? I’ll have to thank him for it later). I also only weigh myself when I’m there. Or rather, they require me to step on the scale and I comply. Sometimes I’m ashamed of the numbers, but today, well, it could be worse. I’m not 123 like I was last visit…..but 127 is better than the sad 155 I was a year and a half ago. I’ll take it and now I can set a goal for my work Christmas party. Twelve pounds sounds like a lot…..so maybe I’ll just make it 7. We’ll see if I can even lose three. I also have to appreciate said doctor for the following statement, “Well you are just so thin that I can feel all your organs without even trying”. I’m not sure if that is a good thing, but I think it is.
The only downside to this whole ordeal (minus the huge cost of all the pokes and prods and pills)) is that I am not supposed to drink alcohol while taking this medication. Whaaatt? No egg nog? That is just silly. I might be able to last a couple days without a beer, but not through the weekend and certainly not through Thanksgiving. We’ll see how I do. She said it MIGHT make me sick, so maybe I’ll risk it once and see how things go.
Life with a semi-half-sort of-not-relationship is not so good lately. He’s moody and won’t talk about it. He invites me over only to ignore me. I’ll deal with it this week because I’m a sex deprived lunatic, but as soon as that is gone I’m gone. I’ve said it before, but this time I really mean it. Not without fair warning though. Although I hate the ridiculous idea of having to bed and pry to get him to talk to me, it really needs to be done, once more, before I walk.
I like him, really I do. I like him a lot. But I’m the woman, I have the periods. There is no reasonable explanation for him to sulk the way he has been or to shut me out tighter than an 18 year old virgin. No thank you. Commitment-phobic I can handle, just not the roller coaster of moods that leave me feeling guilty, depressed, and un-satisfied. Men, can’t live with them, but I sure as hell can live without them and I might be doing just that pretty soon.
In addition to his ever changing moods I have my family to tip toe around. This weekends episode of “who’s emotions mean more” between my sister and I have left me tired and worn down. Just in time for Thanksgiving. Everyone expects me to apologize because to them I’m much farther down on the totem pole of “emotions that actually matter”, but I don’t think I will. I’m not sorry. I didn’t do a single thing wrong except for get fed up with the absurd comments that were being made, mostly at cost to only me. No, I don’t think I will. I can be the bad guy for a while longer because I won’t be walked on. Not this time anyway. Today they can all be let down and whisper about how insensitive I am. I really truly don’t care. When people can step into my shoes, and see how things looks while working 60 plus hours a week….THEN if they still think I’m the un-reasonable one, maybe I’ll apologize. But they won’t even try to look at it from my side…..so I refuse to give into theirs.
Pretty much every one is just a pain in my flabby ass. I wish I could dump them all and not just the man. I wish that was the answer to the problems……all of them.
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