Overheard (phone) conversations at 2:00 in the afternoon:
“Hello?” pause “You’re drunk right now aren’t you?!” pause “No, it’s not about me and you” pause “YOU’RE DRUNK. How drunk are you? Well don’t tell me now because I’m eating lunch.” Pause “no, don’t call me later you’ll be too drunk. Call me tomorrow before you start drinking”.
“Who is this person that was on the other line?” I thought to myself. Who are they and what bar are they at cause I’m on my way!
Now, I don’t know about the rest of the world but I tend to drink because I’m upset. Yeah, I broke up with a man I loved very much and I’m not really over it (if I posted about all our off and on moments these past few weeks you'd throw up a little in your mouth and then tell me to get my shit together) and when it happened I told my roommate, “If you love me you’ll get me drunk. Very very drunk”. And like a good friend she did just that which, as you may have read in my last post, resulted in a concussion (self diagnosed). That is just about the drunkenness I was shooting for and I’m okay with getting sick because LUCKILY I don’t even remember it and when my friends and I talk about it I’m all, “TELL ME MORE!!! Who is this girl, I think we should be friends!” and then they remind me that it was me...which just makes me proud. I’m a proud mother hen, or duck, or some kind of animal that might be proud of such an accomplishment (none). Now, I know that I should cut back before everyone I know and love starts to worry but…they should be happy that I am coping and I have a friend who DOESN’T DRINK so I’m always safe…especially when I drink alone in my bed because then I don’t even have to walk (how brilliant is that!). I’m thinking about possibly dealing with my problems a better way but it’ll have to be after tonight because I have plans to go to a bar with my roommate. Not drinking would mess that up a bit.
I do this,this drinking to cope thing,every so often. Then I stop drinking completely for a couple of months so I can get my head all cleared up again and when I’m back on track I return to my normal drinking schedule which consists of beer and the occasional glass of wine. I do not condone my behavior, lest you get confused, but it is what it is and because I know me I’m okay with this type of occasional behavior. And…I haven’t had a drink since last weekend. NICE! go me
Oh, and my other way of coping is shopping. Can I just say that I’ve purchased the cutest items in my entire wardrobe on the most depressing days of my life. I also clean. My apartment looks like a shine to Mr. Clean.
Showing posts with label drinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drinking. Show all posts
Friday, April 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Drinking, Smoking and Shoes OH MY!
I couldn’t tell you what, exactly, I watched on television last night because I was fully hammered by about 9:00. I know I watched the new show about the hot man who picks between an older woman and a hot younger woman (they older ladies, for the most part, are WAY hotter FYI, some of them just wear too much makeup) while I started to get drunk and made my signature dinner, chicken and rice, and I know that before I teetered off to bed, alone, I watched the EXCLUSIVE interview with Price William and Prince I can never remember his name. The inbetween part I’m just not so sure of. I DO know that I drank 3 Heinekens (that I bought at the scary gas station that is within walking distance from my apartment) and maybe about 4 glasses of wine during and after dinner. I smoked one PERFECT cigarette on my porch and by the time I was done I was literally spinning. I, of course, had to rid my mouth of the smoke taste with another glass of wine but I was smart enough to realize that I was way to wasted to drink more (after a few sips) and I promptly DUMPED IT OUT! I wasted an entire glass of perfectly perfect alcohol. Ouch. But the only other option was to bring it to bed with me and that never ends up very well the next morning when I wake to find an empty glass on the pillow next to me and a stained shirt on the floor.
I erased the negative paragraph I had written here and instead I’m filling it with shoe whoring *gush* I’m so in love with the following shoes:
The red ones....seriously. I just orgasamed.
The black? I just proposed to these because they are so sexy I want to be with them forever and ever!
Because who doesn't need an adorable and funky pair of cute flats? I don't know a single person. Even me, the woman who would sleep in stilettos if I could, LOVES the flats with the right pair of jeans or a cute calf length summer skirt.
And that is that....I'll be done shoe whoring.
Just be grateful I didn't bag spam you all! There were some AMAZING bags online...but they ranged from 500 to 700 dollars so I gave up any hope of having one anytime soon. Maybe for Christmas....or my birthday....hmmmm.....
Oh and the stuff going on lately.....my car broke down. It is practically new (okay 2001 new) and I have to replace the engine. My warranty claim was denied for a new one months ago so we worked around it and thought it was fixed but then randomly one day it just died. FUCK! Since its a few grand to fix it I've just been a bum....a big fat bum. I hate it!
*happy faces* And they lived happily ever after with no car but sexy shoes the end
I erased the negative paragraph I had written here and instead I’m filling it with shoe whoring *gush* I’m so in love with the following shoes:
The red ones....seriously. I just orgasamed.
The black? I just proposed to these because they are so sexy I want to be with them forever and ever!
Because who doesn't need an adorable and funky pair of cute flats? I don't know a single person. Even me, the woman who would sleep in stilettos if I could, LOVES the flats with the right pair of jeans or a cute calf length summer skirt.
And that is that....I'll be done shoe whoring.
Just be grateful I didn't bag spam you all! There were some AMAZING bags online...but they ranged from 500 to 700 dollars so I gave up any hope of having one anytime soon. Maybe for Christmas....or my birthday....hmmmm.....
Oh and the stuff going on lately.....my car broke down. It is practically new (okay 2001 new) and I have to replace the engine. My warranty claim was denied for a new one months ago so we worked around it and thought it was fixed but then randomly one day it just died. FUCK! Since its a few grand to fix it I've just been a bum....a big fat bum. I hate it!
*happy faces* And they lived happily ever after with no car but sexy shoes the end
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
On My Anniversary of a Different Kind
Today is a big day for me. On this exact day two years ago this is the conversation I had.
Jeff: I don’t know what to do.
Mel: (assuming he was talking about money as we were quite broke at the time): Don’t worry. I’ll get a second job, we are moving in a month into a much cheaper apartment, things will be okay hun.
Jeff: No, I don’t mean about money. *very long pause* I mean about “US” I don’t want to be married anymore.
Many tears. Much begging on my part. Him telling me to wait to call my mom until he had left. Me spending weeks sobbing uncontrobably in the blow up mattress he so graciously purchased for me when he took our bed, our furniture, and my heart with him to his new “bachelor pad”. I went to the doctor. I lost 20 lbs in one month. I Saw a counselor who taught me that anger was important and that I was better than groveling at his disgusting pig headed feet. I took Xanax to stop the panic attacks. I took Ambien so I could sleep instead of cry. I unsuccessfully tried to overdose on stupid pills and only succeeded in sleeping for 12 hours straight (best sleep ever….I can’t deny it). I screamed, I hated, I cried, I begged more for about two months. Then one day it hit me. He doesn’t care. He never did. He had affairs, he lied, he threatened, he put his friends and his play time ahead of me. He made me feel as though I was inadequate and I BELIEVED him. And the day I walked away was the day my new life began. The day I realized that I deserved more and that I wasn’t a failure was the day he realized he had fucked up big time.
It started with text messages telling me that he wanted to try and work on things when his lease was up 10 months from then (first sign of someone who doesnt' care; if he loved me and really wanted to make things right he would have done a lot more than text message and make promises for 10 months in the future). When I declined, the letters and tearful phone calls started. When I’d see him he would beg and beg and tell me how sorry he was. I was luckily smart enough to not go back and it was the best decision I have ever made. To this day he continues to lie. To me, to himself, and to his fiancé. He isn’t whole unless he can lie and now I am whole because of his lies. Those lies gave me the power to walk away.
Now I am happy. I spend my days with someone who makes me feel like the most perfect woman ever. I don’t ever look in the mirror when I’m with him and hate who I see staring back at me. With him I’ve learned what it is like to be respected as an equal. With him I’ve learned that I am worth more than what I had before. This relationship may not last forever but I know now what I am worth. I know that I am always worth more than what Jeff gave me. I am worth more than being humiliated and degraded.
I will never ever again forget that other life or allow someone to take mySELF away from me. I have the power and I will hold onto it for the rest of my life. What was the most terrible, hurtful, heart wrenching, painful, life changing experience of my life has given me a second chance and for that I’m am eternally grateful.
And for all you women out there…..here is the best forwarded email I’ve ever received. It means the world to me….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her Laugh...
And one
Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
Anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over
Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a Job
Break up with a lover
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
May not have been
Perfect..but;
Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and
Wouldn't
Do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't
Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing... !
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...
If you know anyone who has gone through or is going through a heart breaking divorce, breakup, or just a hard time…tell them you love them today. Because I can tell you from experience that knowing you are loved regardless of what that stupid bastard has said or done to you can change someone forever. We all need love when we hurt, and even when we don’t.
In celebration of my comeback into the world of “Mellow” I’m am not going to buy shoes….but get very very very drunk and laugh….A LOT!
Jeff: I don’t know what to do.
Mel: (assuming he was talking about money as we were quite broke at the time): Don’t worry. I’ll get a second job, we are moving in a month into a much cheaper apartment, things will be okay hun.
Jeff: No, I don’t mean about money. *very long pause* I mean about “US” I don’t want to be married anymore.
Many tears. Much begging on my part. Him telling me to wait to call my mom until he had left. Me spending weeks sobbing uncontrobably in the blow up mattress he so graciously purchased for me when he took our bed, our furniture, and my heart with him to his new “bachelor pad”. I went to the doctor. I lost 20 lbs in one month. I Saw a counselor who taught me that anger was important and that I was better than groveling at his disgusting pig headed feet. I took Xanax to stop the panic attacks. I took Ambien so I could sleep instead of cry. I unsuccessfully tried to overdose on stupid pills and only succeeded in sleeping for 12 hours straight (best sleep ever….I can’t deny it). I screamed, I hated, I cried, I begged more for about two months. Then one day it hit me. He doesn’t care. He never did. He had affairs, he lied, he threatened, he put his friends and his play time ahead of me. He made me feel as though I was inadequate and I BELIEVED him. And the day I walked away was the day my new life began. The day I realized that I deserved more and that I wasn’t a failure was the day he realized he had fucked up big time.
It started with text messages telling me that he wanted to try and work on things when his lease was up 10 months from then (first sign of someone who doesnt' care; if he loved me and really wanted to make things right he would have done a lot more than text message and make promises for 10 months in the future). When I declined, the letters and tearful phone calls started. When I’d see him he would beg and beg and tell me how sorry he was. I was luckily smart enough to not go back and it was the best decision I have ever made. To this day he continues to lie. To me, to himself, and to his fiancé. He isn’t whole unless he can lie and now I am whole because of his lies. Those lies gave me the power to walk away.
Now I am happy. I spend my days with someone who makes me feel like the most perfect woman ever. I don’t ever look in the mirror when I’m with him and hate who I see staring back at me. With him I’ve learned what it is like to be respected as an equal. With him I’ve learned that I am worth more than what I had before. This relationship may not last forever but I know now what I am worth. I know that I am always worth more than what Jeff gave me. I am worth more than being humiliated and degraded.
I will never ever again forget that other life or allow someone to take mySELF away from me. I have the power and I will hold onto it for the rest of my life. What was the most terrible, hurtful, heart wrenching, painful, life changing experience of my life has given me a second chance and for that I’m am eternally grateful.
And for all you women out there…..here is the best forwarded email I’ve ever received. It means the world to me….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her Laugh...
And one
Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
Anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over
Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a Job
Break up with a lover
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
May not have been
Perfect..but;
Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and
Wouldn't
Do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't
Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing... !
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...
If you know anyone who has gone through or is going through a heart breaking divorce, breakup, or just a hard time…tell them you love them today. Because I can tell you from experience that knowing you are loved regardless of what that stupid bastard has said or done to you can change someone forever. We all need love when we hurt, and even when we don’t.
In celebration of my comeback into the world of “Mellow” I’m am not going to buy shoes….but get very very very drunk and laugh….A LOT!
Friday, March 30, 2007
You Live You Learn, You Love You Learn
Boy: I’m insecure, I’m afraid of getting turned down so I have a hard time actually asking you to spend time with me. I feel like no one would want to just do nothing with me.
Girl: I understand!
Months go by:
Girl: Want to grab dinner with my friends?
Boy: Oh, well let me see what I’ve got going on. I might be watching some television and scratching my balls.
Girl: No worries talk to you later (like when you call me up because you have nothing better to do)
More months:
Girl: Hey, do you want to get some drinks two day from now?
Boy: Oh, well, there are actually sports on that I need to watch. I’ll find out what time they are at.
Girl: No worries I’ll just go out myself with my friends I just thought you’d like to come. What if I just had them drop me off at your place after and we’ll have a little sleepover? *wink*
Boy: We’ll see, we can talk about it later.
Girl: Whatever if you have to actually think about that then never mind.
Boy: I just don’t know where I’ll be watching the sports. (and you know the sports last until 2 in the morning……)
I’m sorry but someone please please please explain to me why I keep doing this?
Day one of getting the fuck over this wreck of a (not) relationship I’m in:
♥ Get super drunk with my boyfriends that love me and will probably makeout with me if I wanted them to.
Day two of getting the fuck over the wreck ofa (not) relationship I’m in:
♥ Go out with coworker to a party and get really drunk. NOT get dropped off at his house after because apparently it takes A LOT of thought on his part to figure out if he wants sex that night.
Day three of getting the fuck over the wreck of a (not) relationship I’m in:
♥ Smoke some weed, pack boxes and listen to angry girl music ie: Alanis, Melissa, Fiona, etc.
AND of course…..buy clothes and shoes and a new pair of designer jeans.
Maybe yell internally and cry a lot. Most certainly wonder why I, as a totally awesome hot and kick ass chick, would ever waste so many months on someone who doesn’t give a sweet shit. I was blinded by the sex and him buying me dinner all the time. And the great sex.
And you know what? I know I’m awesome. I know I’m hot. I know I am great in bed and I’m fun and I have a killer sense of humor and all his friends LOVE me. So who is getting the shit end of the deal here? Him. Not me. Him, that stupid foolish excuse for a man.
Yes I’m angry and bitter.
But I'm going shopping YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm going to a totally dingy bar with my boyfriends who all love and adore me and make me laugh. I learned lessons...blah blah. I learned I'm better than a stupid guy once again. He'll 100% miss me when I'm gone and if I make it through this weekend I won't be looking back, not even once. Quote me on this people.
Girl: I understand!
Months go by:
Girl: Want to grab dinner with my friends?
Boy: Oh, well let me see what I’ve got going on. I might be watching some television and scratching my balls.
Girl: No worries talk to you later (like when you call me up because you have nothing better to do)
More months:
Girl: Hey, do you want to get some drinks two day from now?
Boy: Oh, well, there are actually sports on that I need to watch. I’ll find out what time they are at.
Girl: No worries I’ll just go out myself with my friends I just thought you’d like to come. What if I just had them drop me off at your place after and we’ll have a little sleepover? *wink*
Boy: We’ll see, we can talk about it later.
Girl: Whatever if you have to actually think about that then never mind.
Boy: I just don’t know where I’ll be watching the sports. (and you know the sports last until 2 in the morning……)
I’m sorry but someone please please please explain to me why I keep doing this?
Day one of getting the fuck over this wreck of a (not) relationship I’m in:
♥ Get super drunk with my boyfriends that love me and will probably makeout with me if I wanted them to.
Day two of getting the fuck over the wreck ofa (not) relationship I’m in:
♥ Go out with coworker to a party and get really drunk. NOT get dropped off at his house after because apparently it takes A LOT of thought on his part to figure out if he wants sex that night.
Day three of getting the fuck over the wreck of a (not) relationship I’m in:
♥ Smoke some weed, pack boxes and listen to angry girl music ie: Alanis, Melissa, Fiona, etc.
AND of course…..buy clothes and shoes and a new pair of designer jeans.
Maybe yell internally and cry a lot. Most certainly wonder why I, as a totally awesome hot and kick ass chick, would ever waste so many months on someone who doesn’t give a sweet shit. I was blinded by the sex and him buying me dinner all the time. And the great sex.
And you know what? I know I’m awesome. I know I’m hot. I know I am great in bed and I’m fun and I have a killer sense of humor and all his friends LOVE me. So who is getting the shit end of the deal here? Him. Not me. Him, that stupid foolish excuse for a man.
Yes I’m angry and bitter.
But I'm going shopping YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm going to a totally dingy bar with my boyfriends who all love and adore me and make me laugh. I learned lessons...blah blah. I learned I'm better than a stupid guy once again. He'll 100% miss me when I'm gone and if I make it through this weekend I won't be looking back, not even once. Quote me on this people.
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